I often find that assumptions creep into our lives even when we think we are being very aware. This happened to me recently and it could have had severe consequences with my relationship if I had not clarified my husband’s head shaking.
You see, it was a warm spring day and I was raking seed pods out from under our Locust trees. Here is a picture of what seed pods look like if you have never had the pleasure of raking them. It is a job that I never look forward to since it takes hours of very hard work. This year it was up to me to rake by myself since my husband, David, had rotator cuff surgery this past winter and is still having trouble using his arm. While I raked more and more seed pods, David lined up the cars to be power washed.
Unlike me he was enjoying his job. He loves to get the road salt off the bottom of the vehicles. As David was working away on his project my arms and legs got very sore and tired so I sat down within view of his power spraying to rest. I had a cold drink and I was sunning my legs. As I sat there I noticed David would look over at me every once in a while and shake his head.
This head shaking went on for several minutes until I returned to my work of raking a plethora of seed pods. As I raked I was getting more and more irritated. I wondered how he could think I wasn’t working when I was using every ounce of energy I had to get my job done. After all, he was shaking his head and I thought it was because I was sitting taking a break in the spring sun. I made the decision to ask him about this.
I walked over and he had to turn the power washer off in order to hear me. I said, “David, a little while ago when I was sitting in the sun you were looking over at me shaking your head. What were you doing that for?” David replied, “Didn’t you see all of the road salt and grime coming off of these cars? Every time I put the nozzle in a crack, more and more dirt came out. I could not believe it.” “Oh,” I said. “I thought you were angry at me for sitting the sun.” “Are you kidding me,” he asked? “I feel bad that my arm isn’t strong enough to help you. Why would I be angry with you for sitting in the sun?”
Assumptions can seem innocent yet be very deadly! If I had not simply asked David why he was shaking his head a whole world of pain could have come out of my wrong assumption. How often do I do this? I’m truly not sure but I will pay closer attention. The next time any assumption enters my mind I will question it. Even if the assumption turns out to be what I thought it was, it will be better to have a conversation than to let it fester into a bigger issue. Once everything is out in the open then it can be dealt with realistically.
Where in your life would it be beneficial to clarify assumptions? I would love to hear your comments on this post or any other. Leave a comment here or you can contact me at 315.497.3059 or email Judith@flyingchangecoaching.com
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Judith Geiger ~ Certified Personal Success & Relationship Coach
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"One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar." Helen Keller
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