Curiosity Killed the Cat but Saved the Relationship.
When someone has been in a relationship for a long time (whether it is platonic or romantic) a strange pattern develops, often unnoticed. The focused curiosity about the other person disappears. It does not happen right away. At first everything a new love or friend has to say is the most interesting thing you have ever heard. Even their voice is lovely. You hold attention on their every word.
Slowly a strange pattern starts to emerge. I compare it to when you first learn to drive. Remember how hard it was to navigate that big curve the first time you rounded it a little too quickly? It truly took all of your attention the next time you drove over that road. I bet now you could take the curve at death defying speeds and not even remember you just passed that stretch of road. That is the strange pattern I am talking about—the lack of attention it takes to move through life or relationships. Our subconscious gets a workout every day. It is rather amazing how well it can guide us through life even though it is like being in a fog.
So what does this strange pattern do to our relationships? Often we go into what I call ‘stall mode’. In stall mode, communication shuts down and we don’t hear a word the other person is saying. Why? We have lost our curiosity!!! Consciously or subconsciously we think we already know what they will say and how they will react so it is more efficient to jump ahead and act as if we already know. Yikes! How did this happen? Just the other day they were the most interesting person we knew and now we don’t want to pay attention to a word they say.
Curiosity may have killed the cat (as the old saying goes) but it surely can save a relationship. We can clear the fog in our relationships by simply by becoming aware it is there in the first place and then choosing to be lovingly curious. Try this little experiment and see what changes for you and your relationships. The next time you are aware that you are in stall mode make a conscious choice to shift it to a more active gear. Get as curious as you possibly can. Listen intently, ask questions and patiently wait for the complete answer. Then before responding ask them these simple words, “Is there more?” Wait again and be curious! This is your life and you get to choose how you want to live it. In an unconscious fog or actively curious!
By Judith Geiger
