Be in Love Again : December 2011

Are you feeling lonely?

Is everyone around you a couple?

It helps during times like this to realize that you are not alone. Over 50% of first marriages fail and the statistics for second marriages are even worse. If you are one of the statistics, then it may help you to know, there are times in our life when we are in Winter (so to speak). A time when things are slower and you feel emptiness inside.

If this is you, Rejoice…YES, I said Rejoice! Because you are embarking on a new journey of discovery. Anything is possible…Really! I remember saying to a friend of mine in a very sad voice after my divorce, “I have no idea where I am going or what I will be doing in the future.” She perked right up and said, “I know! Isn’t that WONDERFUL? You now get to create anything you desire.”

After I took in her words, I had to smile. Of course she was exactly right. I was feeling vulnerable and very sorry for myself, but with her reframe I was plucked out of the darkness and set down in my new life of adventure. I realized it was time to be okay that I was in winter because this was the place I could learn how to care for myself. I could hibernate for a time while I charted my course for my new destination.

Sometimes slowing down and going inside is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. Give yourself permission to just be in the moment and find pleasure in the simple things. If you do this, the lights on the tree will seem brighter. Having time to write a long note to an old friend in a Christmas card delights you. Even taking a stroll in the evening alone, while enjoying the Christmas lights, can feel joyful. This will begin to happen more and more as you let go of loneliness and replace it with a knowing that this is your time to be still…Winter always turns into Spring when the time is right!

Simple steps to enjoy the season:

Don’t be stuck in how things used to be. Start building new traditions. Things do not always have to be the way they were. When you look for new ways of doing things you will be surprised what you find.
Do something that delights your soul. Feed your spirit in whatever way is good for you. You can go to Church, meditate, read something inspirational, or simply go for a contemplative walk in nature.
Decorate your bedroom. Put a small tree (or any lighted decoration that delights you) where you can see it from your bed. This will assist you to leave the loneliness outside the door. I have a friend who made this her new tradition a few years ago to combat her loneliness. It was something she enjoyed so much that she does it to this day!
Volunteer at a soup kitchen. This is one of my greatest pleasures. The people you will meet are amazing. Look for the love!
Hug a puppy, a kitten, horse or reptile. Whatever animal delights you!!! If you do not own one then volunteer at your local animal shelter where all the animals need love. Giving love fills us with love. Sounds like a win-win to me.
Do a kind deed for a stranger. You will not need to look very far for someone to help. If you feel you have no funds for this, then offer your time. Read a story to a child, offer to babysit for friends who need to Christmas shop, the possibilities are endless. There is no better time of year for giving and you will be given back tenfold with the gift of love in your heart. Isn’t that what the holidays are for?