As I work with more and more clients on their relationships one thing I hear them say time and time again is “I want to be surprised.” When I ask them what they mean they often say, “I want to be surprised in simple ways…nothing very elaborate.” Being surprised in a relationship can add spice and fun when it is done in an authentic way! You can surprise your lover, your mom, your friends or kids. These are all important relationships and the techniques below will work for all of them.
Keep it simple. Simply acknowledge your lover first and then offer to be of service. There is no need to go out and spend a great deal of money or even take a lot of time. Often the more meaningful surprises come in simple gestures. You might say, “I know it has been a long day, can I carry your packages.” Or “You have been chasing the kids all day. Why don’t you go watch your favorite TV show and I will do the dishes.” They will feel seen and appreciated…SURPRISE!
Buy a small gift for no reason! The gifts you don’t expect are always the most meaningful. If you are in a store and notice something you know your lover or friend would like, buy it and wrap it with care. Make it as pretty as possible. Half the fun is trying to figure out what is underneath the pretty paper. The surprise on your lovers face will say it all.
Write a love letter. A letter that expresses how you feel about that special person. I sent one to my in-laws a few years after my husband and I were married. They referred to it often and my mother-in-law still had it when she passed away! Put your entire heart into the letter. Say everything you love about your special person. Love letters can take on a life of their own when you take the time to reflect on what is going right and not what is going wrong. Think about the person you love when they are at their best. What do you most love about them? Write it down. You don’t have to be a poet, just be truly you. They will love you for it.
Do something new. This one is simple and oh so important. If you always go to the restaurant uptown, try going downtown. To make it even more fun…don’t tell your lover where you are going. Say you are adding some adventure to your relationship. Then drive to the new destination and say surprise! You can do this with restaurants or even with where you take your nightly walks. Shake it up and do something different. It can even apply to what you wear. I know if my husband puts on a shirt I have not seen before it turns my head. There is simply something special about the newness…try it! You may turn a head or two yourself!
Purchase tickets to an event your lover wants to attend. Especially if it is something you don’t care about. This will make them feel special since you care enough about them to attend what they enjoy. So often we get drug down thinking “I can’t go out on a week night, because I will be too tired at work the next day.” Or if it is a weekend you worry you have too many other things to do. By giving the tickets you give them and yourself permission to have fun. Don’t put off enjoying your life. The time to enjoy it is now!
Surprise yourself by applying some of these techniques or think of your own. You might get surprised right back!!!
By Judith Geiger
Be in Love Again Coach